I'd rather you send me a message straight after posting it, y'know xD
Proofreading for mathillean's Hazama de Toiki Morasu Futari Script
Highlighted in red for most, if not all, changes
<QC:...> for any comments
02 ギシッ
creak
は・・・
ha...
ゆまっち・・・
Yumacchi
あー・・・いいっすよ狩沢さん
aaa...it's fine
, Karisawa-san <QC:You'd really say this, though? What's fine? "Don't worry, I don't have erectile dysfunction..." kind of fine? o_O>
ギッ
squeak
はぁ
haa
オレもうイキそうっす・・・
I'm gonna cum...
えっ
huh
ギシ
creak
ま、まだダメー
wait, you can't...
もうちょっとゆまっちあ・・・あうう・・・っ
Just a bit more, Yumacchi a-...au...
ムリっす・・・うっ！
I can'-...ugh!
どっん
thump
03 あーっ
aaaaah
ゆまっちのばかー・・・
Yumacchi you idiot...
ブォォ
roooar
たとえば！
for instance!
ビシ
point
大手を振って歩く恋人同士
Couples walking around hold hands
普通はこーいうのを見ると「リア充爆発しろ」としか思わないわけっすよ！
Normally if I saw that I'd just think "diaf
, normals!" <QC:I...am going to assume that "DIAF" means "Die in a Fire" [
acronyms.thefreedictionary.com]
from this acronym page>
フーン
hmm
でも！
but!
自分がリア充ぽい時間を過ごすと三次元もいいなと思う訳っすよ！
When I try doing
"normal people stuff
" myself it's kinda ok! <QC:Will suggest using
"..." to avoid confusion with slower readers>
つごーいーなーゆまっちは
Yumacchi, you're amazing
そこがジレンマなんっすよ！
it's a huge dilemma!
04 世間に嫉妬する自分は２次元の世間に行きたい自分を否定うる。
The me that envies the real world is denying the me that lives in the 2d world,
かといって３次元を楽しむ自分も否定できない
but I can't stop enjoying the real world!
うあああああ
gaaaaaah!
難しく考えすぎだよゆまっちは
you're thinking about it too hard, Yumacchi
３次は３次でいいじゃん。
3d is supposed to be like that
３次元に存在してるからこそ２次元を楽しめるんじゃん
it's because you exist in 3d
that you can enjoy 2d too
うっ狩沢さん名言！
wow, Karisawa-san, so wise
ガー
rumble
バタン
slam
ブロロロ・・・
broom...
わーこの新シリーズ超面白いー萌えキャラもいっぱいだね
yaaay, this new series is really good! there are loads of cute characters too
ねー
right!
あ、ところでゆまっちってさ
oh, by the way Yumacchi
私としてない時ってどーしてんの？
What do you do when you're not doing me?
２次元ですませてるのー？
do you make do with 2d?
ブー
pffff
05 失礼なこと言ったっすね狩沢さん！
That's fucking rude Karisawa-san!
くわっ
RAGE
ギャー！！
gyaaah!
「２次元ですます」なんて言い方、オレの嫁たちに対する暴言っす！
You're insulting my wives, saying something like "make do with 2d"!
２次元は存在してるんすよ！？
2d are real people too
, you know!? <QC:Added since otherwise, it will look as if his massive raging....conviction about waifus is a limp, weak...self-indulgent opinion>
ゆまっち？！
Yumacchi?!
「すます」じゃなくてオレは
I don't just "make do"
２次元からこそオーガズムを感じてるっす！
I have better orgasms with 2d character!
そんな事言う狩沢さんなんてキライっす！
How could you say that? I hate you!
パアン！
slap!
だっ
oof
06 ゆまっち今それ言ったらあたしの方が「すます」になったよ！
Yumacchi, that's like saying you "make do" with me!
ひどいー！
You're awful!
オレは間違ってないっす！
I'm not wrong!
・・・
うるせえぞ！
Shut up!
おめーらよお!ちったあ静かにできねーのか！？
You guys! can't you be quiet?
あけすけな話しやがって
Talking so shamelessly...
痴話喧嘩なら他でやれ！
Go have your lovers' quarrel somewhere else!
ドタチンしっと？
Are you jealous, Dotachin?
ひそひそ
whisper whisper
あ！？
HA!?
ひっごめんなさーい！
Hi
ii-! We're sorry! <QC:See Note 1>
はーっ
sigh...
07 憤るけど自閉したっす
I hate to say it, but that really
hurt <QC: Making sure, did he elongate "hurt" in this sentence, or is this a typo? Currently assuming typo>
ぷーっ
sulk
あたしもそうだが自閉するよ
You hurt me too
・・・あれ？
...wait?
自閉したらちょっと冷静になった
I feel calmer after sulking for a bit <QC:Just a bit of rearranging
今、私は「アニメと私どっちがすきなの？」的な発言した・・・？
Just now, did it sound like I asked
, "do you like me or anime more"?
うう・・・実はそうなんすよ・・・狩沢さん・・・
sniff...you kinda did...Karisawa-san...
うわあ・・・ごめんゆまっち
dammit...I'm sorry Yumacchi!
私は今オタクの風上にも置けない女になってたよ・・・海より深く反省するよ・・・
I'm a disgrace to the name otaku...I can't believe I said that...
ガクーン
collapse
狩沢さん！危ないすよ！
Karisawa-san! That's dangerous!
08 ゆまっち！私にジャーマンスープレックスをかけて！
Yumacchii! I need you to do a German Suplex on me!
もしくは次の出版社パーティの仕事に連れてって！成○先生に合わせて！
or take me to the next Publisher's party job! Let me meet XX-sensei!
最後のはただの要望っすよ！？
That last one's just a normal request!
おい！先生の前に仕事だ
oi! work comes before sensei
・・・
はーい
yessir
オレコウかシロが好きっすから水責めか緊縛的なのが
I like Oreko or Shiro, so maybe water torture or bondage would...
クーちゃんなら性転換ってとこで股間を○○○するとかどう？
Or maybe a sex change like Ku-chan? With the XXX in XXX?
ひぎゃああ
nooooooo!
エスカリボルグがあったらなー
If only we had Excalibolg...
T/N: Excalibolg is a large club used by the "Bludgeoning Angel" Dokuro-chan in the anime/light novel series by the same name
やめてええ
stoooop!
ギャーッ
gyaaa
ったくあいつらはどこまで本気かわかんねーな
jeez, you never know if those guys are serious
まともに聞いてたら疲れるぜ
I get exhausted just listening to them
・・・だな。
...damn right
09 ドタチーン終わったよー
Dotachiiin
ぽいっ
Shove
全部吐いたー
He threw everything up
お、おう
um, ok
じゃあオレらはこいつの上の奴と話うけてくｒからお前らはそこで待機な。
we're off to have a chat with this guy's boss - you guys
wait here <QC:"Standby" sounds military-ish, and he doesn't look the part.>
はーいいってらっしゃーい
ok, have fun!
仮にオレがトーチだとしても、オレは自信があるっす。オレは絶対宝具を持ったミステスなんっす。
Even if I was a torch I'd have confidence. I'd definitely be the torch with the Hougu inside.
いいねー。その気持ち大事だよね～
Yeah, it's important to feel like that
私はシャナちゃんにメロンパンあげて餌付けしたーい
I want to tame Shana-chan with melon bread
ダメっすよそれもオレの役目になるっす
You can't, that's my job too
10 きゃーっやっとやっとキスまでいったっ
kyaa! they finally kissed!
はー萌えるー恋っていいなあ
haa, it's so cute! isn't love great
あーそれよかったっすよねー
mmm, that's great!
うんうん
mhmmhm
次の舞台は王国での結婚生活とかいっすねえ
I wonder if next will be they'll be living as newlyweds in the kingdom
んー・・・？
hmm?
あー早く戻りたいっすよ２次元・・・
aah, I want to go back to 2d again...
何すか突然。
What was that for?
うん。キスの感触ってどんなだったと思って。
mm- I was wondering what a kiss felt like
.11 あれー？狩沢さんしたことなかったっすか？
wait- haven't you kissed before
, Karisawa-san?
うー私も思い出してる
mm, if I think about it
あんましたこと無いよね
I haven't really, no
そういやさっきみたいに感情的になる狩沢さん見た事なかったす
come to think of it, I've never seen you get emotional before, Karisawa-san
え・・・えー？だからさっきのはゴメンって・・・
h-huh...?I said I'm sorry...
オレ狩沢さんとこうしてるの結構好きっすよ
I really like doing this with you
, Karisawa-san
12 こんなに２次元について語れる３次元の人は狩沢さんくらいっす！
You're the only 3d person I can talk to about 2d!
ぐっ
clench
？
ちょっとゆまっち！ダメだよそれ
wait, that's not right Yumacchi
死んだら２次元生きたいゆまっちの発言じゃないよ
That's not something Yumacchi would say (If there's room in the speech bubble then: That's not something the Yumacchi who wants to go to the 2d world when he dies would say)
えーさっきも言ったじゃないすかー
huh, didn't I say just before? <QC:I'd really wanted to add a question mark there, since reading this and the next line in one go didn't work well.>
リア充してる時は３次もいいなって
at times like this
, 3d is pretty good too <QC:Omitted question mark here, to emphasise the line as a declarative sentence>
嫁は２次元なのにい触るのは３次元なんて
even though my wives are 2d,
I can only touch the 3d <QC: "...all I can touch is 3d"...3d what? 3d goats? Suggesting "...I can only touch the 3d">
せつないけど複雑だね
it's painful and complicated
でもわかるよ
but I get it
13 オレ、死んだら２次元行く予定っすけど
When I die
, I'm going to the 2d world
その時は狩沢さんも一緒っすよ？
but I'll be with Karisawa-san too
・・・ゆまっちそれって・・・
Yumacchi, do you mean...
あ・・・っゆまっちっ二人帰ってきちゃうよ？
ah...the other two
are going to come back
あっ
a-
くちゃ
squelch
今、絶対張ったから大丈夫っすよ
I put up a seal, so we're ok
あ・・・うん
ah...yeah
ぴくぴく
twitch
ふふ、狩沢さんもう聞いてないっすね
haha, you're not listening anymore, are you
14 ・・・きーてるようATフィールド？
...I'm listening- an AT Field?
T/N: AT Field refers to Absolute Terror Field, used in Evangelion
エヴァじゃないっすよシャナっすよ
this is Shana
, not Eva
カチャ
click
ジー
ziiip
狩沢さんは感じ始めると本当に話を聞いてくれないっすよね
Once you've started to feel it, you really do stop listening
ポロン
flop
プク
swell
あ・・・やだそれ
a...that's no good
っん
hn
え・・・？何か・・・？
huh...did you...?
ぐにゅう
plunge
ホラもう聞いてないっす！
look, you've already stopped listening!
あっ！
a-!
ズブッ
shove
15 ダメだなあオレは狩沢さんと話すのが好きなのに
That's no good, I like talking with Karisawa-san
これじゃダメじゃないっすか
this
is no good at all <QC:See Note 2>
んっ
hn
はん
han
あ
ah
つまんないなあ
so boring...
ウン
ungh
あっあっごめっ・・・
a-ah, sorr-...
だっだってっゆまっち・・・きもひいいんだも・・・んんっ！
i-...it's ju-just Yumacchi...it's fheelsh sho goo...nnn
16 ・・・
もう・・・仕方ないっすね狩沢さんは
Jeez...you're so hopeless, Karisawa-san
ぐいっ
grab
ひあっ
hya-
ズン
thrust
じゃあせめてこの中で良くしてください
at least be take care of me in here
T/N: wordplay using 仲良くして and 中で良くして QC: Does not get either way...maybe "At least be taking care of me in here"? I'll defer to your judgement, T/N.
う・・・
ugh...
ズクッ
thrust
もう・・・イキそうっす
I'm...gonna cum
17 イクッ
cumming!
ずぷん
plunge
ううっ
uhn
どくっどくん
thump thump
びく
shiver
あ・・・あ・・・イク・・・イっちゃうっ
a...ha...cu-...cumming-
ふあ
haa
はあ
ha
あう・・・いっぱいでてる～
agh...there's lots coming out
ドサ
splurt
_____
_____
＿＿＿
・・・やばっ！
...crap!
18 ガチャ
click
遊馬崎狩沢
Yumasaki! Karisawa!
終わったぞ
we're done here
腹減ったな度っかで何か食ってくか？
I'm starved, wanna go eat somewhere?
わーい！
yay!
露西亜寿司？ロッ○リア？パ○ラでアニソンパーティーでもいいよ！
Russian Sushi? XXria? or an anime song party at XXX!
あっそれいいっすねえーオレみのりんの新曲歌うっす！
Yeah, sounds good- I'll sing Minorin's new song!
最初以外は絶対ダメだ
No way!
not except for the first one
ドタチンおーへー！質問になってないっすよ
Hey! Dotachin! We're not asking...
まーいっか！いこいこ露西亜寿司～瀬戸内のシャコー
Well, whatever! Let's go
, let's go! Russia Sushi! Setouchi Shrimp!
へへへハマチとシマアジ～
hehehe, Yellowtail and Striped Jack!
くす
giggle
しゅっぱーつ！
let's gooo!
19 はじめましてこんにちは。デュラララ！！見始めて６話でものっそいオタクカップルに
萌えてパッションの赴くまま超久しぶりにNL描くにもかかわらず
一冊つっぱしりました。はーはー。
遊馬崎ウォーカーってもう、名前が可愛いよね（萌えの初期病状）
ワゴン相大好きです。ドタチンの人の良さとか、中身残念な３人か自由気ままにつるんでいる様はほほえましい
です
渡草ももっとちゃんと描いてあげたかったー。
ロリのコンサート会場での渡草にかわいそう萌えも発動しました・・・
狩沢とゆまっちはもうかわいすぎる。
漫画では二人のオタク会話に悩みました。
自分のライトヲタぶりに絶望でした！
アニメでのワゴン組の活躍にも期待してます。
Hello, nice to meet you all. In the 6th chapter I read of Durarara!! I got really fired up by this amazing
moe otaku couple, and even though I hadn't drawn anything like this in a while I just had to write this! haha.
Even the name Walker Yumasaki is cute (the first symptom of moe!)
I love the wagon team. I don't know if it's how Dotachin is such a nice person, or the misfortunate other three,
but I love the happy, free air they all give off.
I wanted to draw Togusa better though...
Poor Togusa at the Loli Concert venue turned my moe-switch on too...
Karisawa and Yumacchi are just too moe!
I was troubled by their otaku conversations in the manga.
They completely put my own knowledge of light novels to shame!
I have high hopes for the wagon team in the anime!
Notes
Note 1: (page 06) I don't see two exclamation points here. I'm assuming "Hi-!" is a gasp, or sound, rather than a word or part thereof, hence I changed it to "Hiii-!" to make it clearer. let me know if I got that wrong.
Note 2: (page 15) As much as it might "take away" from the intended (imo) slight slurring, you say "this is" the same way as "this's", unlike, say, "would not" with "wouldn't". Alternative suggestion is "It's", but obviously not as accurate.
Thanks for reading (hopefully)
Currently only proofreading on a whim. I might proofread your stuff...but sorry in advance if I drop it without warning like a hit-and-run Ferrari.
Proofreader...
...because although shit ain't shit unless someone says it's shit, shit stays shit unless someone cleans it up.
Shinko translation bounties/requests, Mostly vanilla
Jul 17 2014, 02:44
